‘Are you ok?’ The hardest question to ask, and be asked.
Redundancy is never an easy experience. The word alone is difficult to accept - ‘not, or no longer needed or useful.’ Pretty harsh right? Having now experienced redundancy, I’d argue it’s even harder when you love everything about the work you do and the difference it makes.
I’ll always remember Brexit day as the day I was told my job was ‘at risk,’ and so despite my political persuasion, it will always resonate as a sad day in my diary. After 15 years, it was time to strike the tent, pack up the rucksack and hike off, having completed my expedition at the Scouts. And what an incredible 15 years it had been. With a gusto for life, I’d always put in 110% and so I got a huge amount out, providing me with the job satisfaction I know others can only dream of.
But between 31st January and the 25 March - the day I left - there was the no mean feat of continuing to show up to work every day, to face colleagues and friends who were as shocked as I was at the proposals. To continue to role model the behaviour a true leader should and to support my team who were also facing change. It struck me very early on, that aside from the practical supporting tools employers lend their employees in the form of ‘CV Writing’ and ‘Selling yourself,’ that a more personal form of support and training is much needed during times of restructure and redundancy.
Quite simply, people just don’t know what to say, with many saying nothing at all. The ones that want to engage don’t know what questions to ask and for the ones brave enough to, they just don’t know how to respond.
‘Are you ok?’ appears a simple question to start with and yet it can either be loaded full of anxiety and uncertainty for the person asking - not knowing how they would respond to an honest answer - or simply be a polite display of interest. For the person being asked, there’s a choice. Pretend you’re ok when you’re crumbling inside or - despite reopening a wound each time and lengthening the grieving process - give an honest, emotional answer. Rightly or wrongly, I chose the former. I guess my choice was partly based on the fact that I could handle my own situational mental health at this point but I couldn’t handle other people’s curiosity, even though the curiosity was well intentioned. I also felt that this outwardly display of strength would get me through. And ultimately it did.
Despite my internal struggles, I’m glad I recognised this strange and uncomfortable uncertainty in others. I remember reaching out to a young colleague I had worked closely with the year before the changes were announced. I felt her unease when she looked at me. I could feel that she wanted to say something but didn’t know how. I reached out and asked her how she was. She was so glad I did. She was relieved that I had made the first move. She was tearful but positively in that it was some kind of release for her to just be able to talk to me. Reaching out either way goes miles, just #bekind.
I think we’re all acutely aware that it’s not just those directly affected by redundancy you have to consider during change. It’s everyone. And whilst practical tools may help with the future state, equipping staff with the soft skills to support each other and themselves is vital to survival in the current state. Ultimately, genuine compassionate listeners, who are empathetic, providing confidence and motivation goes a long way to support a workforce who feel valued and truly cared for. Mental Health First Aiders are fortunately becoming more common in the workforce but more of them, and trained in the specifics of change and redundancy would be a great investment of time and to ‘our’ people who are the most valuable asset we have. It starts with people and for me, should end with people, whether you’re leaving or staying.
I have now accepted the change and am looking forward to a new challenge with a renewed focus, energy and enthusiasm - when the world returns to some sort of normality. And, if you’re asking, “I’m ok thank you.”
